Breaking New Ground

by Steve Lazarowitz

I might not be much of a celebrity. I am fairly good at many things, including writing, but will likely never be one of the greats at anything. I am a jack of all trades, master of none. My name will never be in the Guiness Book of World Records, nor will I ever likely be found in any history book. Yet in spite of these statements, I have recently broken new ground.

I have just come from dinner and can safely say, that in some 5000 years of civilized human history, no one has ever ingested the specific combination of food that I just have. At least, it seems that way to me. I suppose anyone consciously trying to accomplish this would be able to succeed, but the combination of food I'd ordered in a local diner was not planned and as such, my stroll into new ground was largely unintentional.

I suppose anyone can walk into a restaurant and order kumquats, swordfish and grilled cheese on pumpernickel, but that would not have the same impact as my meal, for it would not be a naturally occurring event.

My repast included borscht, bison, french fries and an egg cream. Four fairly simple foods that, by reason of accident, should never been mentioned in the same sentence.

Borscht is cold beet soup, served most often with sour cream. Its origins are Eastern European. I have seldom seen it served outside Jewish neighborhoods.

Bison is, of course, what most of us call buffalo. Bison is NOT buffalo. They are two different animals. The words "Give me a home, where the buffalo roam" may have been written about the American prairie, but nevertheless are completely inaccurate. Buffalo are African and Asian animals. Bison are American. They really don't even look that similar. In fact, bison weren't actually confused with buffalo, but are simply called that due to the mispronounced name used by early French explorers, who called them "les boeufs".

The English, arriving later, changed the pronunciation to Òla buff.Ó The name grew distorted as "buffle," "buffler," "buffillo," and, eventually, "buffalo." (from The American Buffalo in Transition, by J. Albert Rorabacher.)

Anyway, my bison took the form of a burger with onions on a bun. The eating of bison is not particularly a widespread event in New York City and why my local restaurant should serve it, is almost completely beyond me.

French fries, of course, are not from France. They are made from potatoes, cut into strips and fried. Why they are called French fries I have no idea.

Egg creams are possibly the most obscure item on the list. Egg creams contain no eggs and so, like french fries, are inappropriately named. An egg cream is a fountain drink made with seltzer, chocolate syrup and milk. I have never seen one served outside of New York City, or even mentioned for that matter.

Seems to me that probably bison and french fries have often been eaten in the same meal, as have borscht and egg creams. But the combination of the two groups is probably a historic event. I wonder if they'll name a day after me.

Certain foods just don't seem to go together. If you've ever eaten at a restaurant that serves different cuisines, you would know what I was talking about. Most Chinese take out places in Brooklyn, do serve french fries. However, I sometimes go to a Chinese smorgasbord that tries to cater to the massses by offering a couple of Italian dishes, along with the more expected fare..

I just can't see having lo mein, egg foo young, wonton soup and lasagna. There is something intrinsically wrong with it. For one thing, there is very little dairy in Chinese food. In fact, I can think of none offhand. Chinese dishes never contain cheese (at least not authentic ones), nor do restaurants provide milk for your Chinese tea (and they only grudgingly provide sugar).

I have never sat down for breakfast and had eggs, bacon and an eggroll. Nor have I ever had hamburgers and spaghetti. There are just some foods that seem to go well together and others that don't, but why? It has to do with the way you are raised.

Even the food we eat is often a symptom of our upbringing. I would not eat caterpillars, but there are people that do. In some parts of South America, iguanas are referred to as chicken of the trees. In the Cayman Islands they farm turtle and in days gone by, sailors would keep live turtles aboard their ships, slaughtering them only if all their other food ran out. In my deranged mind, this is the historical precursor to canned food.

What is the point of this silliness? I have a homework assignment for you all. Do it. Go out and buy a combination of foods that do not seem to mix, and eat them all in one meal. Fly in the face of tradition. Why can't you have crab stuffing with hamburgers or french fries with tandoori? Why not have raspberry ice cream with hot red peppers cut into it? This latter might seem stranger than the rest of the article, but I have actually witnessed that once in my life. It was rather unsettling.

What is my point exactly? We are programmed to think of eating certain foods together. I say set the programming aside and eat what you like. Fly in the face of tradition. Be unique.

It will not likely make a major difference in your life, but it sure will make the chore figuring out what you're going to eat, a lot more interesting.

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