The Revolution of Lowered Expectations

by Steve Lazarowitz

It's a situation everyone can relate to. You're on your way to work. Or a friend's house. Or a meeting. You stop at a fast food place and order something basic--a hamburger, an order of fries and a large coke.

You wait in line, endure the horribly slow service, pay the cashier and carry away a bag containing a cheeseburger, onion rings and a small sprite. Perhaps this is an exaggeration, but as often as it happens, it doesn't matter. It shouldn't be that difficult.

I could understand if the order was a bit more complex. I'd like a hamburger, no ketchup, horse radish, a toasted potato bun and yak sweat. That's an order I can see being a problem. But the basic food business has gone to hell.

The same might be said for retail in general. You've seen the commercial, you've read the flyer. Now it's time to visit the store. Of course, there's one thing the flyer and commercial have neglected to mention. There are no longer any sales people in the store to help you.

I know this is a mixed blessing. I have a love-hate relationship with sales people, but at very least, there should be SOMEONE present on the floor to answer simple questions.

There's nothing quite like walking around a retail establishment many times larger than Rhode Island. They carry everything from cement mixers to bonsai trees, from toothpaste to pool liners. You need a public transportation system just to get around. Ferdinand Magellen couldn't navigate the place without help. There are no maps, no signs--and not a salesman in sight, or even hailing distance.

With a new millennium upon us, the quality of day to day living seems to have been lost among the masses. I don't remember ever spending quite as much time waiting in lines. For that matter, I don't recall spending quite as much time waiting in the wrong lines.

I mean, there have always been lines, but they haven't always looked like Space Mountain at Disney World. At least after waiting in that line, you have two minutes of pleasure. It's not like waiting at the bank, just to give them your money.

In the old days, you had a choice. Each teller had a separate window. You could stand in the wrong line and curse yourself, but at least it was your fault. These days, they have one line and you wait for an available teller. Therefore, instead of waiting on one slow worker, you have to wait for three of them... when they have three on duty.

It seems that my bank usually has four or five tellers... at least on the slow days. On the busy days, like the first week of the month, they have one or two.

Worse than the waiting, are the people that think they don't need to wait. The line cutters. The "important" people. The people that have somewhere to be.

"Look, do you mind if I get ahead of you, I'm really pressed for time. After this, I still have to go food shopping!"

Which brings me to another area of common experience, the supermarket. The giant, we sell everything, we have 22 cash registers variety. 22 cash registers of which 3 are in use. Is it me or does this seem wasteful? It's almost a tease. Sort of like an amusement park advertising a hundred rides, but only running five of them.

Just thinking about it, I need a vacation. Just a week away from lines and civilization. I know. I'll go camping. Camping is about as away as you can get.

"Hey honey, let's go camping this summer."

"Will they have a place to plug in my blow dryer?"

"No, hon. You won't need your blow dryer."

"Why, what's going to happen to my hair?!?"

"Nothing. It's just that there'll be no one else around but me and I don't care."

"But "I" care."

"Doesn't matter. There won't be any mirrors, so you won't be able to see yourself."

"I'll see my reflection in the lake!"

Okay, so maybe camping isn't the best idea, but it's still better than waiting on line. First I had to get myself to a sporting goods store. I needed to get supplies. Of course, I couldn't find a salesperson, which was quite all right, because they didn't seem to have most of the advertised items in stock.

I tried a few others and finally acquired the necessary paraphenilia. I called up the campsite to make a reservation and to my astonishment, there's no opening. Not for another month and a half. There's now a line to get away from lines. How the hell can there be a line for camping?

I first ran across the term the Revolution of Lowered Expectations in a book called Schroedinger's Cat, by Robert Anton Wilson. At the time, I thought it was supreme satire, but now I'm not so sure.

Could it be that we just have too many people? Where did they all come from? Could someone please tell the religious right that they should start considering birth control? How about abortion? I know that some people believe that abortion is okay during the first trimester. I'm thinking it should be legal until the child graduates college.

You used to move out west, to a place like Colorado, to get away from the masses, but my friend just moved there and told me it was crowded. Of course crowded to him and crowded to me are two different animals.

I live in New York City and there are just too many cars (and not enough parking spaces). That's because more cars are produced every year than are retired. Sometimes, coworkers call from their cell phones, to say they'll be late because they're still looking for parking. In fact, one of them has been driving around since 1994.

So we have too many people and we wait in lines. We deal with incompetence on a global level. Even our nations leaders seem to be less capable than they once were. Election time nowadays more closely resembles a circus than a debate of the issues. Surely if this is the best we can dredge up, something is seriously wrong with the world at large.

The reason why the world has become this way, is because we're all trained to accept it. I find myself making excuses for reality. "Well, you don't exactly get a job in the fast food industry because you're a rocket scientist." And it's true.

Rocket scientists have twenty years of schooling to blame for their mistakes.

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